Rejection # 1!
I had my first rejection for a Christmas temporary sales job today. Now considering they say you should expect to apply for 80 jobs to get 1 these days I shouldn't be upset. But I am. I recieved the email while I was at my desk and had to hide a very teary face.
Ridiculous I know, but I'm not used to being rejected by employers - until today I've never had a job interview or made an application where I wasn't offered the role. Boo-hoo poor Heather May I hear you say ;) but I have found a significant part of myself associates my self worth with this kind of success.
This isn't because I only felt loved as a child when I succeeded at something, absolutely not, but it is an easy and obvious measure of success. I suppose I have always been "the academic one" or "the one with potential" or "the one who can do anything she turns her mind to" - all that might be true. And while I am inifintely grateful for people's confidence in me I hoping to just try to be whatever God wants me to be, not what my (apparent) skills might point towards, or what (well-meaning) colleagues suggest, or what seems to be the current pressing need. I think I need to push lots of doors, and do my best not to be scared of trying something and finding it doesn't work which will be a massive change for me. So I am trying to remember to listen and ask which direction to go in. Easier typed than done and I'm still on the wrong side of terrified.
At church a couple of weeks ago, I prayed with some of the ministry team and one had a picture of me travelling along a wide road, whereby the road narrows and turns a corner, then widens out again. Then on a separate day someone else had a picture of me being on a motorway, pulling into the services and having a break - then going back to the roundabout but taking a different exit, onto a non-motorway road. Perhaps this is an indication of needing to take a slower, more meandering path for a while.
Of course, I don't know what these pictures mean for me yet, but I will contemplate them and remember them from the other side of experiences.
I do know God is reminding me, gently and thankfully through others, that He has His hand over me and is guiding me in the ways the scripture says He will. I can't rely on just me to figure out the next move and He will always use others to reiterate what we think we may have heard, and need to hear,
And when I take time to reflect on all of this, I'm not teary at this end of today. Lesson for the day - take time to reflect and remember what God has promised He will provide.
4 comments:
Hun, don't know if you want comments on your blog, but if not too bad! I know we can use the God's Will cliche too often, and as Simon pointed out on Sunday we become flippant and disrespectful,...but if God wanted you to have that Christmas job you woulda got it. Poor consolation I know, rejection sucks, but no measure of 'success', 'self worth' or 'can-turn-her-hand-to-anything-ness' will beat Almighty God if He decides it's not gonna happen! Just a thought. My two favourite quotes atm: Confucius say "Man who never make mistake usually never make anything at all". And Max Ehrmann "Whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding unfolding as it should". :oD Love you. Rachel xx
Cheers Rachel. I really appreciate your thoughts. I think what I take from some of the comments I've had that is that we shouldn't need to go about guessing God's will - but that as long as I am asking for something that isn't against scripture, and that what I am looking to do will glorify Him, I should come out alright.
So far, I am not the kind of person that tries to interpret every incident as whether something is His will or not. Maybe that is something I need to change but it is something I currently remain uncomfortable with. What I want to avoid is chopping and changing my mind every 15 seconds as I think I hear from Him, but rest in the confidence that He is guiding the big picture. Yes, the grand scheme is made up of small happenings, but a person can go insane thinking one thing is true for them in the morning, but another thing is true by the evening.
I think for me this is about a change in mindset; Romans 2:12 Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
I think my mind needs an autumn clean! :)
and yes - comments most welcome :)
A few quotes from your big sis:
John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
Now, THAT's how much you're worth!
Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself."
God's got it all under control. Just keep following Jesus. You know what it feels like when you do, and (just like everyone else - me included!) you know what it feels like when you don't.
And finally, to quote Mumford and Sons:
"But you are not alone in this,
And you are not alone in this,
As brothers we will stand and we'll hold your hand,
Hold your hand."
:-)
Thanks big sis xxx
I think my next update will address how it feels when you know you are going the right, or wrong direction! It is amazing isn't it :) God is so involved ALL the time.
I might have to listen me to some more Mumford and Sons - I reckon they'd be perfect for Greenbelt.
Post a Comment