Immeasurably more....

2012-02-22T21:08:00.000Z

Happy Lent

There are lots of folk out there who gripe about Lent, and having just been bored by those who gripe about Valentine's Day, I'm done with by that sort of negativity. "You should show your love for your significant other all year round, not on one day"....."You should give up stuff totally if it is bad for your health/mind, not just for 40 days." Yes, you're right. But that's not the point of either of those celebrations, commercialised and twisted or not.

For me, acknowledging Lent is a very personal positive thing. I could go into the reasons why Lent is a good thing to observe and remember from a Christian point of view but lots of other bloggers have done it a lot better than I could....

Rachel Held Evans: 40 ideas for Lent

Sarah Bessey: In which [it is lent] words need flesh

For years I have tried to take up positive actions as well as give things up. Last year I took labels off myself that I had put on myself, or had put on me. These things may have looked minor on the surface, but my self esteem improved as a result.

In that same vein, and following some ace teaching on my course last week, I am planning on looking at unhealthy belief systems that I live my life by, and that all things being equal, I shouldn't. I originally intended blogging my way through a list of 10 systems about myself, and 10 unhealthy beliefs I have about God. I have changed my mind. As much as I want to be open and honest in this blog, I think the next 40 days are going to be really hard as I try to strip back these systems. Plus I doubt very much I'll solve anything so I plan on just blogging a review at the end. I also doubt I'll get through 20!

So here are some examples of unhealthy beliefs I hold about myself:
I am afraid lots of people I love will drop dead, because it has happened before.
I am wrong to not want children
I shouldn't be proud of my education and wanting to pursue more learning

Unhealthy belief systems I have about God:
If I rest or take a day off, I am letting God down by not constantly making every moment count.
I will disappoint God if I don't do something 'worthwhile' with my life
God gives and takes away indisciminatorily and he might take even more people away from me
If I don't make room and time for God, he s further away from me

So things like that! Daft to some of you I'm sure - not to me. I plan on thinking and praying about these things, as well as taking steps towards rectifying them, or learning to embrace and love them!

What I do already know is that God loves me regardless of my belief systems.

As well as all this I'm trying to do 40 Acts which is encouraging people to observe Lent generously. Ace. The first day's action was to set up a Giving Jar ready to pop coins into whenever we fail at giving up something we've given up. The resulting spondoolies will go to the One Can Trust.

cheers for reading!

2012-02-11T18:00:00.023Z

Sunday - erm - Saturday Stuff 11/02/2012

I'm pootling off for an intense study week so won't be surfing much over the next week. And as I have just had a bundle of homework put on my desk to do before Monday and the course I am procrastinating wildly. So this weekend's Sunday Stuff comes to you a day early. As for the random cat picture - see 'Fun Stuff' down the bottom!

Krish K respectfully Thanks God for John Piper, and reviews Piper’s ‘Masculine Christianity” from a particular viewpoint.

“Why should the Christian faith take on a particular gender? Should it also take on a particular cultural form? Say an Asian flavor? Should it take on a class too? Should it take on a middle class flavor? Should it have an accent? No. Surely it should contextualize and follow Paul’s desire to become all things to all people?”

See also In A Mirror Dimly’s similar, a somewhat more sarcastic take on the same subject: “The Kitchen has a Feminine feel about it.”

Natalie & Matthew Bowers continue their series on Fruits of the Spirit with Goodness:

“But in the Word of God, goodness is not just OK – the greek word used by Paul conveys something much stronger – it’s about integrity, honesty and compassion. It’s not about just being nice but about actively living for what’s right and true and Godly. Goodness is doing the right thing even when it does not feel like we should.”

I’m biased about this series because it is my sister and brother in law’s creation. But this installment is of particular use to me this week as I have struggled greatly with doing something good in the last couple of weeks, because I really didn’t want to do it. I do feel I have learned something about humility and can develop some habits in this area.

Rachel Held Evans writing for Relevant magazine: When Jesus meets TMZ

“When Christians look to pastors for wisdom on how to better love God and love one another, they become better disciples of Jesus and better lights of hope in a dark world…. When Christians look to pastors to tell them how to dress, what to eat, what hobbies to have, what systematic theologies to prefer, how to vote and what personality to adopt, they become creepy, unthinking clones of broken people—and big red warning flags to a culture that has grown increasingly suspicious of authority figures.”

I’ve been gearing myself up to write something on this topic, but Rachel nails what I feel about the whole Celebrity Christian Culture issue.

Favourite Tweets of the Week:

Bishop Wilson (and a zillion others) tweet from the General Synod’s debate on allowing women to serve as bishops…you can tell how I feel about it from my choice of tweets!

@alantwilson: How simply wrong to think that discriminatory views could never be sincerely and conscientiously held? They were in South Africa...

@AnnamDrew: So, speaker, you're a loyal anglican? Well, so am I and I'm sick of being a second class citizen in my own church #synod

@archaicdamsel: You should be making decision for the generations to come. Not protecting the minority of today. #synod

@womenbishops: #synod Forcing women bishops to have specified male counterparts is like saying women can drive - but only accompanied by a man. Patronising

Fun Stuff:

This made my day: cat on pitch at Liverpool Tottenham game

It is my birthday soon. If anyone has a lot of money to spare I’d like a Nikon D700 as used by my fave photographer Lily Sawyer.

2012-02-05T16:39:00.000Z

Sunday Stuff 5th Feb 12

More stuff from around the tinterwebs that I think is worth sharing:

Norman Ivinson at Missional | Musing – ‘Taking Your Time':

“As the Fresh Expressions team has talked to pioneers and heard their stories over the last six years or so it has become clear that a ‘worship first’ model of church forming only really works in a minority of cases. If you really do want to reach the 60% of the population which survey after survey describes as ‘unchurched’ then a different starting point is needed.”

I liked this blog about taking your time to figure out how to start a fresh expression of church because it challenged my notion that good, contemporary worship music will often bring people in.

Fred Clark of Slactivist on ‘Five Women who changed God’s Rules.’:

“Moses and God listened to the women’s argument, conceded that they had a fair point, and changed the rules. In the case of Mahlah et. al. vs. God, God turned out to be an activist judge who ruled in favor of the plaintiffs, changing the law and creating a new precedent. Thus saith the Lord.”

This one makes it on to my list, not only because it is a great view of some often overlooked women of the Bible, but because it shows God will change His plans because of His love for His people. Someone said to me this week that His plans could end up overruling anything I wanted for my life. I don’t believe that is always true. We should seek wise counsel about the course of our lives and pray for wisdom and for God to align our will with His, but we are allowed to speak the desires of our heart and God loves to hear them. There are many of examples like this in the Bible where God is moved by his people’s cries and pleas and responds. Plus, this goes wider into the realms of saying you don’t agree with something in the Bible isn’t heresy. It is human and we’re allowed to do it.

Bex Lewis speaks to Fresh Expressions on Social Media as a place to practise relational evangelism:

"I’m not interested in shouting at people to get them to come towards us, I’m interested in relational evangelism."

Fascinating 6 minute chat from Bex on why Social Media is a tool we should look at embracing. With 850million users on Facebook we have a massive pool of people we can reach. How we do that responsibly and relationally is another question on my mind!

Bishop Alan’s ‘No Woman, No Cry’:

'“But how can you be so sweeping?” some will ask. “There are sincerely held theological arguments and motives involved.” Indeed. There always are. There were for Apartheid.'

The Bishop of Oxford brings the old to the new ahead of more musings this week on Women’s Bishops.

D.C.Cramer on John Piper’s ‘masculine Christianity’:

“In his recent speech honoring the ministry of J. C. Ryle, John Piper concludes by describing the "Eight Traits of Masculine Ministry." However, rather uncharacteristically for Piper, he fails to supply each trait with biblical references, choosing instead to reflect on how Ryle exemplifies each trait. For the benefit of the reader, then, I have supplied the missing Scripture passages that Piper was drawing on for each of his "masculine" traits. Please look these up to get a better sense of what Piper means by each of his "masculine" traits.”

This just speaks for itself - you must look up the references.

Tweets of the week:

@alantwilson (on Church):Start within ourselves, tell it like it is, don't threaten to leave — threaten to stay!

@changingworship :"Most people don't read the bible they read us." #eek

@nickygumbel: Conflict and confrontation are never easy, but they are a necessary part of courageous leadership.

Fun Stuff:

Tiger Bread becomes Giraffe Bread J

Books:

I’m not getting to as many books as I would usually like to because of studying. However, I just started Evolving in Monkey Town by Rachel Held Evans. Reviews to follow.

2012-01-29T16:16:00.008Z

Sunday Stuff

Every Sunday I’m going to post stuff I think is worth sharing. Most of it will be new stuff, some of it will be old stuff. Some I came across myself, some I have been recommended. Whatever it is, I hope it is of interest to you.

Disclaimer: By including content here I am, not implying I agree with every word in each article, tweet, blog, post but I think there is food for thought, or something entertaining therein. The content remains that of their author.

I’m not going to report this disclaimer every week J

Aaron Armstrong on Blogging Theologically: Everyday Theology: God Won’t Give You More Than You Can Handle

“Over and over again in the Bible, we see men and women who are given far more than they can handle. The prophet Jeremiah is a great example; he was charged with preaching repentance to the people of Israel, a calling that caused him to be beaten, plotted against and rejected by everyone, even his own family.”
I found this a while back but it has stuck with me and came back in force this week when I found myself overwhelmed by the amount I’d honourably taken on, but then found I could possibly fit in. I usually have to reach breaking point before I recognise I’ve bitten off more than I can chew and I had a proper breaking point this week.

My tendency is to feel guilty about letting people down, and showing myself up for not being strong enough to do everything that *needs* to be done. This is often made worse by me buying into the notion that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle. This blog explains why, actually, he does frequently give us more than we can handle and what we should understand from that.

The Gospel Driven Church: Jesus was Religious

“And the really controversial point we ought to make is this: Jesus did not hate religion. He was in fact a religious person. We are used to using the words Pharisee or Pharisaical in the pejorative senses, as labels, but in Jesus' day, the most faithful, biblical religion going, for all its problems, was the religion of the Pharisees. Between Zealots on one side and Sadducees on the other, the Pharisees had carved out a decent niche as the "evangelicals" of the day.”

Following a talk at my church last week on how to engage with people different to ourselves, I was struck, not for the first time, about how we use the word religion/religious. The speaker talked briefly about how Jesus didn’t "do religion". This was, on the surface, at odds with something I’d recently read when beginning a look at Jewish 1^st century practises and cultural context of the writing of Mark’s gospel.

Personally, I often feel at odds with the tendency to demonise words and phrases because they don’t quite fit our present context, especially when the world has decided they have negative connotations. This all means the church has to disassociate themselves from those words and sometiumes we lose sight of their real meaning. I don’t mind being called religious, if when the speaker says it in terms of how I *do* my faith. I do go to church every week, I pray and try to read my bible regularly, I follow rules – I am basically religious in at least one definition of the word. I don't want to be seen as doing religion for religions sake of course but religously doing my faith isn't a problem for me.

I think Jesus was the same in many ways, He celebrated the festivals, went to temple, read, prayed, studied as the law told Him to. As we are told, He fulfilled the law, He didn't abolish it.

I'm not suggesting this is something I am going to tomp about, I don't intend on fighting to reclaim the word religious. I know the connotation of religion is desperately difficult for some, but I think the point in the article about Jesus actually going about his life 'religiously' has some important lessons for the modern Christian in how we approach our lives. I don't want to be ashamed of being diligent, methodical and structured. in how I do my faith. However I also recognise that is what works for my personality type. Many others are much more spontaneous with how they do their faith and so this whole point wouldn't make much sense to them - which is as it should be.

There has been a great video by Jefferson Bethke doing the rounds recently (included in the blog above) who describes why he hates religion but loves Jesus. This blog is a really interesting response to that video as well as elaborating further.

As the blogger says, I think it is a shame people will miss thoughtful and fair critique of the video because it is popular and trendy. Bethke has a lot of great things to say (and has actually responded to some of the criticism he has recieved, humbly and wisely, explaining he didn't quite get it right in some places.) I think we have to be really careful of agreeing with everything about an opinion because it is couched in cool.

Libertarian Lou’s blog: Three faces of feminism: Louise Mensch, Laurie Penny, and Jodie Marsh

“Jodie Marsh, as it turns out, is pretty amazing. She was a straight A-student at school, and wanted to be a vet. She was smart enough, hard-working enough, certainly ambitious enough. Then she went to secondary school. And was bullied. For being “ugly."

Lou’s blog is a very interesting look at an unlikely feminist hero and certainly got me thinking. I was humbled to read Jodie Marsh’s story, as I was badly bullied at school, by teachers and pupils. It never got violent, but I vividly remember when one girl urinated in my lunch box. I reacted to it in a variety of ways, mainly inwardly, developing outward nervous habits that attracted more attention. But it never, thankfully, put me off learning or made me second guess my talents. This doesn’t happen to everyone though. There is a thoguht running my head about the feminist angle of this issue – which I will blog in more detail.

Sarah Moon: What the “Effeminate Christianity” crisis says about women.

"What do we mean when we say that the church is too feminine? And, why do I care? I care because how the church defines feminization exposes how the church feels towards women in general."

This blog isn’t getting a long intro because it is a topic I’m really spending some time thinking about and will probably blog more coherantly in a while. Suffice to say the latest gender related crisis is something on my mind.

---

Victoria Coren writing for the Observer, re-blogged by the Guardian: Attacking the church is a cheap shot: Has everyone forgotten these are men of God? It's actually their job to stand up for the poor.

"[The Bishops] are talked about as rich men with no idea that £26,000 is a fortuner for some, or leftie men being typically obstructive, or naive men who don't realise the coffers are empty, but never as Christian men who are perhaps just trying to say what they think Jesus would have said."

An interesting dissection of Former Archbishop Carey’s response to the Bishops’ stance on the ‘benefit cap’.

Some of my fave tweets of the week:

@tmorizot: “Christian emphasis should always be on love, not passive attitudes of nonjudgmentalism”

@TheSteadyTable: “Not everything you write has to be publishable. Give yourself permission to write rubbish sometimes; it's good practice. #21tips #writing”

@simonparke: “Friday's Theology Corner! 'Blessed r the poor in spirit' means 'Happy r those not wilful for their own advantage or scheme'”

And other cool stuff:

Lego Man in Space - yes really! Using home-stitched parachute and equipment found on Craigslist, two 17-year-olds send Lego-naut 80,000ft into the air!

2011-08-14T20:09:00.002+01:00

I came downstairs this morning to find anarchy in the kitchen. I was aware of some disturbances during the night; I was bolt upright and awake for no reason at about 4am which meant of course there actually was a reason. Said reason was revealed 3 hours later when I found the large metal baking tray which had been residing on the hob, upside down and under the kitchen table.

The plastic threshold from the kitchen doorframe was far from its proper home. Dirt and fluff from underneath said piece of plastic was all across the room. Chair cushions were haphazardly strewn and worst of all there were various piles and pools of excrement and urine on the floor.

Mitch and Twink had some explaining to do.

I was stunned and shocked by the devastation. Although they are rescue cats and aren’t always very good at using their litter trays, that’s usually the worst I am faced with each day. It seems things went to whole new level.

My first question was why? Why last night – I didn’t do anything to them yesterday out of the ordinary. They were fed on time, let in and out on schedule, given the usual freedoms considered appropriate for them.

Maybe it was pay back for Friday when I fed them early, let them out for only a short while then spent the rest of the day with my fiancé so they were locked in. I did feed them again at the usual time in the evening but perhaps they felt their liberties were curtailed by me going off and enjoying myself with little regard for their happiness.

Maybe they are finally showing their true colours. Mitch and Twink came to us after at least 2 foster homes, after being rejected from not one, but two homes. In their last abode, they were one of 10 animals, who all shared the same litter tray, had to fight for food and attention and no doubt were starved of love. They had been given to that home by their original owners who had decided they preferred the other pets they had and didn’t want the two cats anymore.

In fact, Blue Cross rescue centre were very pleased to have us take such two ill-treated cats from them. They also made a point of telling us that no one takes black cats because people consider them bad luck and write them off for nothing more than the colour of their fur. And certainly as 9 year olds they are considered too old to be cute, or changeable, or trainable and get overlooked for that reason too.

Maybe because of that, we’ve been too soft on them. I haven’t rubbed their noses in ‘it’ when they have messed on the floor before. I guess I haven’t set that particular boundary for them so they don’t know not to break it. Or should they just know pooing on the floor is not appreciated? I’m often torn between taking the softly softly approach with them most people would expect when working with cats who have been through what they’ve been through, or being tough when they have shown the smallest hint of naughtiness to make sure they know whats appropriate.

Maybe they enjoyed it – it must get pretty frustrating being locked in a kitchen every night in the dark with nothing to do but read a few cookery books.

Maybe they just realised I was in a deep sleep (I do not snore!) and thought they had the opportunity to have a bit of a laugh.

Or are they just dumb cats – no matter what I do, they are what they are, only arguably sentient, driven by instinct rather than logic.

So without a known motive, choosing my action was even harder. What was I to do?

My first task in any morning is to feed them and today could be no different. Sure, I could have kicked them out into the garden to find a juicy mouse but I have no evidence that Twink in particular is able to fend for herself.

It seems we have a lack of wildlife around at the moment, there is a widely reported lack of birds and mice due to recent hard winters. The sustenance that is out there is hard to find, has to feed more mouths.

Plus Twink doesn’t seem to have much common sense. For instance she doesn’t seem to know that it is good to shelter when it rains and often returns to the house soaked. I don’t know why she hasn’t got this fundamental skill – perhaps she wasn’t shown by previous owners, or perhaps she was never let out to learn.

So I fed them and set about putting the kitchen back together.

Then what? I had to think what to do to let them know this kind of behaviour isn’t acceptable. I have offered them a home, fed them, given them health care, exercise, toys and most of all cuddles, strokes, brushing which they equate with love. They’re right – I’m soppy for them. And this is how they repay me.

Should I withdraw some privileges other than food? I could keep them in all day – but the I’d have them running mad round the house because they were bored and cramped. I’d also be cleaning up more excrement. I’d have to feed them more and no doubt entertain them. It is also cruel to keep outdoor cats inside.

Should I separate them? Mitch often jumps Twink without warning and she, understandably, retaliates. But then they often wind each other up. Taking away the obvious bad influences in their life – each other - seems like taking away the only thing they actually know of old, rely on and find comfort in. They still curl up together like they did when we first rescued them.

Should we kick them out altogether. This might be the start of a longer pattern of behaviour. It might be a sign of a deeply buried problem just surfacing. Do I take the risk? This time it was just a bit of skirting board, next time it could be something more expensive.

It is a tough one. But you know what, I think the only way these cats will realise they can’t act the way they did last night is for me to set them boundaries, but moreover to love them. Rejecting them in any way will either push the problem on to someone else, or bring them to an even more undesirable situation – rejected, hungry, homeless.

Mitch and Twink still aren’t allowed in my room though, I’m allergic to cats.

· I do not mean to make light of what is of course a difficult and serious situation in the UK. I have however been flummoxed by many of the responses I have seen in social media from friends and strangers. I understand the bewilderment, shock, anger and despair and share all those sentiments. The above is a true story and as I reflected on the various strategies for change, retribution and how to mete out justice I drew parallels to highlight by metaphor what I consider to be ill thought out responses. This is also the part where I should say I don’t have the answers – but I do. Jesus. He shows us by His example to not judge, to serve everyone in the world no matter what their status as defined by society as we are all the same in His eyes no matter what the world has thrown at, or not given us. This may seem naïve, but I believe loving people is the solution – and has been proven to work time and again.

2011-07-03T21:42:00.005+01:00

A chance to be different

Our church was broken into last night. I am not going to go into details for many reasons, not least of which is that there is an active investigation, but I have spent a lot of today thinking about my reaction and what I and possibly other members of my church family could take from this difficult situation.

That anyone would come into a building, an obvious place of worship, technically housing a charity and remove items of personal and material value is difficult to process. We house a food-bank at the church which was also a target of the burglary.

Happily, most of the items that were taken have already been recovered. However, the intrusion into our place of worship and disrespect shown has understandably upset many. I was shaken, especially by the removal of food from the bank, which I’m helping to run.

As part on an ongoing series, today’s talk was on 'being transformed', specifically by love. It was based on Romans 9 which speaks of love being an action, not something that exists by the mere absence of hate. It says that love must be sincere and honourable and commands us to give to those in need, be hospitable, not to be proud or reject anyone.

It speaks of leaving revenge to God, who is just and wiser than us.

It demands that we feed our enemy if he is hungry and give him something to drink if he is thirsty.

I take from that, that we should shine a light on his misdemenours but refract it through the lens that we should always look through – the lens being Jesus and how He saw and loved the world. Mirroring His obedience, generosity and love, we would show the enemy there is something greater than him, and us. And although there will always be consequences to our actions, the Great Judge offers forgiveness, freely and completely to absolutely everyone.

Now, I do not even come close to using the word ‘enemy’ when I think of the people/person who took items that did not belong to them. It is too strong, and it would be ignorant of me to believe I understand the motives of someone I have never met, never spoken to. I could say I hope that they took the food because they are hungry. But if they did or didn’t, it shouldn’t matter.

The things taken are objects which can be replaced. In fact nothing we have is ours, but gifts from God. That said, I’m not suggesting as a responsible charity we shouldn’t be sensible with security but the thought of turning our church into an impenetrable fortress makes me uneasy. As outlined in Romans, hospitality is required of us. Our mission is to be a transforming presence at the heart of our community, which we would struggle to do if we made ourselves less available, inaccessible and uninviting.

So how should I react? Reflecting on the teaching above, we are are commanded to love people and that act may give them an opportunity to see the real Good News, not some watered down version of our faith that society pedals or that we Christians portray in our lack of understanding, pride or weakness.

How does this teaching (which was planned without knowledge of the circumstances that met us this morning) mean, when it comes to considering the people who came into our building for nefarious reasons? We will probably never know what brought them to act the way they did but I do not believe the reasons should matter. This morning, instead of speculating about motive I should have been praying for them and for us.

Because God acts when people pray. Last night’s event has given our church family a discrete and immediate opportunity to examine ourselves, our reaction to the burglary, our call to love the world in a real way. Many people are already really good at it and I thank God for their example and wisdom.

And as a consequence of praying for and importantly forgiving those who have hurt us, we will also be transformed because as we cannot help but be changed when we love actively, compassionately and unconditionally.

For me, these thoughts concrete something that has been creeping up on me, not for the first time, but something it is easy to forget in the business of life. It confirms that I should stop waiting for events to compel me into loving people the way Jesus says I should. I am not to not wait for opportunities to act compassionately to fall into my lap. I should be seeking people who need compassion and to be loved.

It is rarely easy, even less so on days like today, when so many emotions are stirred but I am to be obedient and show the same compassion I am showed. And so I pray that a compassionate response becomes my primary nature. I want my first instinct to be to reach out, forgive and love regardless of why that person is in front of me, or if I have gone to be in front of them, what brought me there.

I think that by acting in a way opposite to what a lot of people expect of Christians, we might be more of the difference we want to see in the world.

2011-07-01T15:05:00.002+01:00

A little rant about age

This week I’ve been called old... “33 is late to get married.”

This week I’ve been called young...”anything under 40 is young when you’re my age.”

This week I’ve been called a child...”you’ll always be my child, regardless of whether you’re an adult or not.”

I don’t have a problem with any of those things, in context.

But this week I’ve was told I can’t possibly understand another person’s feelings purely because of my age.

What I wanted to say was that I have had some experiences in life that have given me wisdom I wish I hadn’t had to learn yet. But why should I have to defend myself for something over which I have no control?

I am set to be a wife, but I don’t intend on being a mother. I haven't got a five year plan, nor do I know what I want to be when I grow up.

What I am is a friend, a sister, a daughter, a fiancé and a child of God. The number of days I’ve been on this planet doesn’t matter, it isn’t a competition.

I’m just me.

2011-06-30T17:23:00.004+01:00

Oh-so-cliché

I’ve been having nightmares for a few weeks now, often more than one a night. The dreams are always me and Rob arguing to the point of screaming at each other until one of us – usually me, runs away. In my dreams we never get the chance to resolve the fight. I’ve woken up in tears on more than one occasion and had to fight the urge to call him to check we are still on speaking terms. Ironically if I did wake him at 3am we’d probably end up in a tiff!

I’ve always had incredibly vivid dreams that often can’t be untangled from memory and affect my mood all day. Although after these current episodes I can wake in a tizz, they don’t hang around. I believe because I know they are stemming from anxieties of which I’m fully aware – wedding organisation for one. Which is most annoying as it makes me such a cliché bride-to-be.

We’re actually on top of most ‘big’ things to do with the wedding. Church, venue, photographer, florist are booked. My dress is ordered and pretty much everyone we want to take an active part in the celebrations has been asked and happily agreed. However, the fact is as I'm not in full time work (though you might not know it to look at my diary) I’ve been doing a lot of the organising on my own and simply catch Rob up with the progress every so often and that’s where some of my anxiety is rooted.

We want our wedding to be about us as individuals and as a couple but as, if not more importantly rooted firmly in our Christian faith. Although there is no such thing as a truly new idea anymore, we want to make sure our faith and personalities are reflected in the celebrations, especially as the sacrament of marriage is very important to us. We view our day as being an opportunity for worship as well as the legal and fun bits.

Recently, I have felt I’ve rushed a few details and plumped for easy, convenient choices rather than spending time ensuring meaning in many of the arrangements. This has made me uncomfortable in a few ways as I used to envisage a very personal wedding experience. I dreamed of an eco-friendly wedding with lots of homemade elements and tiny details embelishing the day alongside well thought out spiritual content. I won't say how Rob saw his wedding day but we're different in many ways!

I have blamed my simplified 'just-get-it-done' process I've fallen into on our budget being (rightly) small but moreover on our time limited. However, I’ve come to realise that these are just excuses after all 7 months is plenty of time and it is possible to make the day what we want it to be if we organise it together.

For a couple who on the face of it have very little in common, we do an awful lot of activities and serve together and having me lead on organisation, purely checking in with Rob is alien. So we’ve scheduled a wedding catch up to think again about some of the decisions that have been made to see what we can do about tweaking them to ensure we’re both comfortable with how our day will match our goals.

Jesus started his ministry at a wedding, performing His first miracle at one, turning water in wine*. Our guests may not notice much difference from any other wedding they’ve been to –and that’s fine, I want them comfortable and relaxed and to enjoy the day. But our hope is maybe they do notice it a little.

Of course, ask me again in late October when I’m studying as well as arranging this and I’ll probably not give two hoots and just want everything to go off with only one Hitch. Old joke, but it works!

*anytime You want to do that one again – fine by us J

2011-06-11T17:56:00.002+01:00

Mixed bag

This week has been a mixed bag; I’ve not been very well with a weird fever/light headed/exhausted thing which seems really bad in the mornings. I’ve been snowed under with all sorts of things and busy every evening albeit in very nice ways. I’ve been Swishing at Church, attending the Marriage Course, organising Brownies & Disciple Group and had a grand evening eating home-cooked curry and cheesecake (not at the same time) with friends.

Wedding planning continues and yet more prayers have been answered. On top of the miraculous help I mentioned in my last post, we’ve saved loads on potential decorations having sourced exactly what we wanted to spruce up the venue locally and for free!

We found a lovely budget cottage for a few days away directly after the wedding. No, I’m not saying where but I was dead chuffed at the price we got for a short break so close to Christmas.

I made us a strict calendar of what we need to do and when so that we don’t end up getting in money trouble in any given month. More importantly, I have to be fixed on what we want to buy or we’ll buy things we will end up not using because we change our minds/find better offers and that is the way the cost of a wedding can creep up. But I also know when to slide off the calendar and take advantage of a bargain! So this week my shoes arrived and a few pieces of jewellery have been bought, all for much less than I had budgeted having shopped online and taking advantage of sales and offers.

I found loads of great tips on Cheap Wedding Success and found comrades in arms who don’t believe you have to spend a fortune, to have a lovely, memorable day.

Also, something good may be happening on the income front. I am going to see a company next week who specialise in family portraits to see if they’d like me to do some paid, ad hoc, part time work manning their stalls at supermarkets/shopping centres/events. If it goes well could be a nice, flexible way to bring in some pennies while allowing me to continue being available for the church and foodbank.

So if you see me smiling and trying to hand you a leaflet in the near future, be sweet and take one!

2011-06-05T22:23:00.002+01:00

God is Good

No fancy title and pictures and no ridiculously long blog this time. Just to say I had a wig out about the wedding/life this week. It coincided nicely with the countdown clock on our new wedding website letting me know its 188 days until the wedding. *eek*

My freak out was about money – I’m still not seriously looking for work, we are a bit rubbish at budgeting and big chunks of money are disappearing into the wedding. It made me wobble. We’re doing the sensible things – starting a proper budget, spreading costs but as explained in previous blogs, this is an area that makes me very uneasy.

So in church this morning I prayed for some help and I got my response....”I told you I would look after you and I will. Keep serving me first and let me take care of the rest.”

And this evening, totally unprompted and unaware of my concerns, I’ve had a friend offer the equivalent of about £300 worth of stuff for the wedding.

Thank you friend. Thank you Lord.

2011-06-01T00:08:00.004+01:00

I lost a fight with the Bishop

That is to say I totally caved so as not to get myself excommunicated for arm wrestling the clergy for my preferred wedding date. I wanted the 26^th November, one day after our two year anniversary and more importantly not in the hectic month of December. But Bish got there first so our wedding will now be on 10/12/11. Truthfully the exact date wasn’t too much of an issue besides my explanation below. The venue is booked for an evening do, save the date notifications have gone out to almost everyone and even the dress is ordered! Sound like it has been easy? Yes and no.

The venue narrowing process was reasonably easy. We visited a few which were obvious no goers - I didn’t want the kids in a room three corridors and fourteen sets of doors away from the main room. We didn’t want to pay £175 a head for a three course meal no matter how yummy the food and gorgeous the grounds. We won’t be going in them, it will be winter. We couldn’t reduce the list of folks invited to the sit down meal to less than sixty without losing some dearest and nearest. We narrowed it down to one venue and then the bun-fight with the church diary began. We went back to the second choice venue which we knew could give us the earlier date, but we thought would be out of our price range until they came back with a quote that made our jaws drop.

So the debate began – do we go for the more expensive place we loved, on a date possibly more problematic for people with kids in Christmas carol concerts, work seasonal parties etc or go for the cheaper option we sort of liked, on the date everyone could probably do. We then threw into the mix the up until that point unspoken of, yet unsettling and ethically troubling thought of spending a fair whack of money on what is essentially a big party. Yes, a party celebrating something incredibly special, but this is a time when generosity and sacrificial giving is something very much on our hearts.

I know it is somewhat uncouth to discuss these things, but that’s what my blog is for – the nitty gritty of our lives, especially any ethical/faith orientated debates. I’d love to say it was a long, prayerful, considered debate. But it wasn’t...we went for the later date at the higher cost! We loved the place, we loved that we could fit in (almost) everyone we wanted and the times we wanted them. We do have a strict, limited budget, of course we do, and the reception costs will come in under that in the end. The day for both Rob and I is about faith, love and people and that’s what we are going to concentrate on. I can’t theologically justify the decision to spend more on the party rather than go for the lower quote, so I won’t try. It just felt right.

Next was choosing the dress, which had to be a reasonable quick decision because these things take months to make! The one I have gone for won’t be ready for fitting until late September. Other places quoted November which would have made me too nervous!

I’m not a girly girl, as outlined in previous blogs I don’t wear dresses other than at big occasions and even then I struggle. I don’t know how to “do” my hair, I have basic make up application skills and although I surfed around looking at wedding dresses, I walked into the first dress boutique and underwhelmed the assistant by not having a clue what I was looking for. That said, she was very sweet and helpful and I’d highly recommend The Bridal House in Aston Clinton. I took Mum and the lovely Stacey who was incredibly helpful in many ways including as buffer material for me and Mum!

Mum, bless her, isn’t very good at constructive criticism, or keeping looks of dislike off her face. She knew I was worried about that – but the intended amusing yet semi-serious suggestion I made of giving her flash cards with scores out of 5 on it went down like a lead balloon. In the end, although she did struggle to articulate how she felt about any particular dress, her mainly non-verbal reactions, were truthful and therefore helpful. Unlike the woman in unnamed shop 2, who told me my waist was the skinniest she’d seen on a girl as tall as me, but that I had a bum like J-Lo. That combination does not sound good and so I took neither as a compliment. This was compounded as I was sharing a box filled dressing room with Miss Hertfordshire trying on her gala frock. Self esteem nose dive.

So all hail Brides of Portsmouth, an unpretentious, does-what-it-says-on-the-tin, bridal shop down the road from my sister. Another lovely assistant helped me pick ‘the’ dress even as she chased her toddler nephew round the store, trying to prevent him dropping his trousers to show us his nappy! I had Mum, my sister, the lovely Adele and my 5 year old niece to help this time. Sophie helpfully gave me the thumbs up or thumbs down to articulate her impression of the dress. The one we picked got a thumbs up so that’s alright then. No details on said dress will be released!

I had expected incredibly emotional moments when I was dress shopping and that when I put ‘the dress' on, I’d have that moment of pure joy. I should have known better – I’m just not that kind of girl! The only time I welled up was on my 14^th dress in the not-very-nice shop when I was just so tired and feeling pear-shaped, with massive man-feet that didn’t fit into any of their shoes, next to Miss World or whatever - that I thought anything will do, the next one to look sort of nice gets my vote.

My learning point here was don’t do more than one fitting a day, don’t try on too many dresses and listen to your mum – whether she is grimacing or smiling. I was also glad I had another appointment in the diary or I may have panic-bought a dress and regretted it. As it was, I really enjoyed the later appointment – where I had lower expectations of the experience, and therefore they were surpassed rather than missed.

So finalising the photographer this week, organising invitations with our incredibly talented friend Tessa at Cornercube, then I might try and relax for a few weeks and concentrate on real work which is getting off the ground at church and the charity. Which I’m loving. And hopefully keeping up with my Open University short course I’m doing in photography at the moment. A few pics from that below...

2011-05-24T17:40:00.000+01:00

Whoop!

Rob and I got engaged! He asked me on a bright, windy day in the Chiltern Hills, the same spot where he told me he loved me the first time. I said yes, squealed a lot, cried quite a bit, then we went and had ice lollies to celebrate while we showed off my ring to the cows who were roaming free looking for a piece of the action.

You may all barf now.

Everyone still with me? Good.

So of course now my life is mainly going to revolve around organising the wedding, which we have approx. 6 months to do. Date is confirmed, but we’re just fine tuning a few bits before we announce it. I’m definitely going to blog about the planning process and all the ups and downs it will naturally bring, in no small part because I’ve already found a lot of personal blogs incredibly helpful and reassuring in starting planning my own.

A few other things to update everyone on. I’m going to be officially working part time for my church, unpaid, to sort out some communications strategies and to assist our Community Support Worker, who also happens to be the vicar’s wife, mum of 3 and a lovely lady. I’m really excited to have a formal role, with a job description, which means I can use my skills and widen my knowledge and understanding of the workings of the church. I know, through being on PCC and just being involved in a few bits and bobs that the leadership team need the assistance and I can do that!

I’m also helping my good friend Sarah in the organisation of the One Can Trust – a community based charity aiming to help those in crisis in our town. The first branch of the trust is a food-bank. The idea is everyone brings ‘one can’ along to our church every Sunday and this goes in a bank where from the food is distributed to those in need, referred to us usually by health workers, Sure Start, surgeries in the local area. There are so many amazing ‘God Stories’ to tell already about this amazing venture and I’ll dedicate a blog to it in the near future.

So where does paid work fit in all of this? We have a wedding to pay for you know! Well seeking a paid role is still on the table, I’ve even applied for a few positions but apparently I’m too qualified for a retail assistant position. I wanted something that would be regular, discrete, fun and a challenge, but something I can leave at the door and is parcelled nicely so I can really concentrate on the volunteer work. Not much to ask at such times I know!

I am considering that this may all be part of my ongoing ‘rely on God’ rather than 'rely on earthly things’ lesson. I trust that the opportunities I am having in the church work, in studying, in becoming involved in the charity, in being more available for friends and family, can only be a good thing and so come from Him. The bank statement may tell a superficially different story and I recognise I am still living on the grace and goodwill of my mother and fiancé (whoop). But he’ll be my hubby soon enough and we want to support each other in doing His will rather than our own.

So, please stick with me during what will probably be a wild ride organising the Stanley/Samuel nuptials and celebrations. And as I rebalance my life, again, to include part time work.

2011-04-19T12:42:00.000+01:00

I have ticked two more things off the lent list, though one was arranged a year ago, its significance to my Lent Thing becoming clear recently. I’ve also decided this is going to not be a Lent thing, and continue to be a “thing” instead – I have a lot of labels that need peeling off and I don’t want to stop because my 40 days are almost up.

Endurance!

At the beginning of April I completed a walk along the course of the historic Hadrian’s Wall with my friend Adele. The course of the wall is 84miles long but we were scuppered by high tides at the beginning and high walls at the end so in total we walked 77miles in 6 days.

The reason this is a ‘thing’ is because I grew up as a proper outdoor girl, loving being outside in our garden, the park, in towns and cities, and further afield in the wilds of anywhere I could get to. I knew from the age of 14 I was going to study geology, find out more about our planet, how to look after it, how it came to be. My degree required me to spend a lot of time outside, I even spent a month on the Isle of Skye geologically mapping the land. Then I spent 3 years in Dorset teaching kids about the Jurassic Coastline as well as various adventure activities like Quad biking and Archery. And when I chose to join the Environment Agency, over a few other job offers I had at the time, the emphasis on being out and about meeting people, observing changes in our environment, helping to enhance and protect it, drove that choice.

Then I became a manager. Years of desk sitting, computer work, endless conversations and round robin emails. It had its upsides and successes but it robbed me of energy, time and enthusiasm for being out and about. The tiredness and stress I’ve recounted in previous posts meant when it came to holidays and weekends, where I’d usually been keen to get into fresh air, I became a couch potato, wanting to recuperate, not regain my joie de vivre by breathing fresh air. In addition, my fitness level plummeted to new lows. I went from being able to amble up the Old Man of Coniston seven days in a row to map its strata, to mostly walking from the car park to my desk.

When I signed up to walk Hadrian’s wall with Adele for charity it was a badly thought through commitment, that would lead to last minute panic over my fitness. I did train, doing a number of 6-7 mile walks in the weeks before the climb, but I had been scuppered in doing consecutive walks by various commitments and ill health. The challenge of Hadrian wasn’t walking 14miles in a day, but doing it 6 days in a row. I am not going to describe the walk here – mainly because most of the hilarity, difficulties and comedy moments, you just had to be there for but we did it. I’m still recovering, I think I may have damaged my right knee but I am incredibly proud to have accomplished something that brought back some of the old me.

Study!

I always intended to do a Masters degree at some point, but wasconvinced it would have to be for a specific purpose – thinking that I would pick the course because it would be enabling a career change or a promotion. Given the ever increasing costs involved in returning to university I was convinced any study would have to be definitively for known outcome to make it financially worthwhile.

I have just applied for and been invited to join a Graduate Diploma course in Kingdom Theology with Westminster Theological Centre – which means from September I’ll be a student again! I will studying part time, travelling to and from Ealing once a week for evening study sessions. I attended a taster session at St Paul’s Church and was immediately touched and enthused by the course content and the Spirit filled staff. I prayed a lot, spoke to Rob, my family, my church leader and everyone was incredibly supportive. It is going to cost quite a lot of money, but I know God is providing already and will continue to do so – I am sure this is a course He wants me on.

I have no idea where it will lead and that feeling is incredibly liberating. Some would say it is selfish given the costs involved but I want to study mission, theology, leadership, doctrine and see where God leads me. I want to be informed, get my mind working in an academic way again, and see how the theological lessons will inform the life I want to live for Christ.

I would never have been able to do this had I been in my previous job, I just didn’t have the time, energy or brain capacity to spare. God is so faithful and I am trying to be so in return. If you have been following my journey at all, you’ll know this is an amazing blessing – a fulfilment of the promises God has made to me about fresh beginnings, changes in pace and a taste of what focussing on him will bring.

I am just little old me, and yet He is infinitely interested in the smallest detail of my life. And yours too!

2011-03-18T15:34:00.000Z

My Lent thing #2

Told you I wouldn’t do 40 of these challenges, however I have today ticked one more off the list.

I have been making an list of labels that I have stuck on myself, or been stuck with. I was expecting most to be behavioural – things I think I can’t do. I was bowled over by how many were physical – about how I look and feel about that. I honestly didn’t think of myself as affected by social stereotypes and body image matters. I know I’m blessed with my health, metabolism and I know beauty really is only skin deep. I’m the one in my family without allergies, I’m the only one never to wear specs, I don’t have to try at all to keep my weight in the healthy range and can pretty much eat what I like. But this exercise has revealed a lot about vanity and shaky self esteem.

After meeting the lovely Stacey for lunch in town, I finally got my hair cut, which the lovely Rob promised to pay for as a birthday treat. And afterwards, in that warm glow of having got one treat effectively for free(!) I bobbled over to House of Fraser to buy a concealer from Clinique. I really can’t justify £15 on a bit of make up in this economically stretching time but.....

On arriving at Clinique I found they were doing a free (if you’re buying something) lip/eye treat whereby they give you a mini make up or lipstick makeover and you get a free lippy or masacara. Yay for free stuff.

How does this fit into the Lent thing? Well the label to be removed is that I have a “massive bottom lip” J Apparently it is perfect for tripping over when I am petulantly sticking it out, perfect for wobbling when I want something and even more so when I am upset.

Rob says I’m silly about it but he is biased! This isn’t the “please everyone tell me I’m pretty” post, but it is a feature I am conscious of and that is why it fits into my Lent thing. I can count on my hands the number of times I’ve worn lipstick in the last 10 years. I’m not a big make up person anyway, but if a reason to posh-up comes along, I’ll over do the eyes to not draw attention to the lips.

And what is weird is, as mentioned above, is that I thought I was fairly above all these silly body image issues. Apparently not. So anyway, picture included of lippied lips...and I’m going to have a think and identify any more of these particular type of labels.

2011-03-10T17:21:00.000Z

My 'Lent Thing'

One day late (of course), I have decided what to do for Lent. A brief intro first.

If you have been following my blog you may know of my struggles during this current stint of ‘funemployment’, to let myself relax, recuperate and refocus during what has been a rollercoaster ride of letting go, letting go and letting go all over again.

There have been job opportunities and opportunities that seemed golden, made for me but they haven’t worked out or there have been good reasons not to pursue them. Even though doors seem to be opening, I’ve been strongly feeling the need to keep having the break God informed me I was meant to take.

Queue raised eyebrows from a few folk about small things like finances.

For those of you doing that (which more often than not includes me) I’m putting it in writing.

It’ll be ok.

I am taking actions, even if I am not chasing gainful employment. I’ve moved back in with Mum (thanks Mum*1). I have been having sessions with a great careers counsellor which is shedding light into corners of my abilities I hadn’t poked about in for a while (this is relevant to the ‘Lent thing’). I’ve been reading books and getting some prayer.

And God’s been knocking on my door again the past week or so, reminding me that He is in control and His timing is perfect, not mine but I’m doing ok not rushing. “Keep on doing what you’re doing. You’re in the right place for now. My plans are coming along nicely.” I know that being obedient to this, even if it flies in the face of what a lot of people think I should be doing in an employment/financial climate such as we have at the moment, is the right thing to do. And if it isn’t – as above, it will be ok.

And so back to the ‘Lent thing’. Through a variety of counselling, prayer, chatting with great friends and especially the lovely boyfriend, I’ve been reflecting a lot on ‘who am I’ and ‘what am I meant to be’. Most of all I’ve been contemplating the question intrinsically linked to those two - ‘what am I meant to be doing’. Self absorbed? Possibly. Immediately and incredibly useful? Definitely.

I have recognised just how much I have labelled myself, or been labelled. And although some labels can be good, I think it is time to try to stick some new ones on, alongside or replacing the old ones. And so the ‘Lent thing’ is to try something new every day for 40days that helps me get some new labels. And the label has to be of something I consider myself bad at or incapable of doing whether through previous labelling, rubbish self esteem or lack of courage. I will tell you now, I’ll fail at getting 40 but if I get even a few I’ll be pleased.

In fact - that is a new label for me – “recognises that the process of getting somewhere is as, if not more valuable, than reaching the target.” Ooh so that can count as yesterday’s new label.

Today’s I’m starting with something a lot simpler and less prosaic. Baking. I did Food GCSE at school and got a C, my lowest grade in those exams and the cause of some shame at the time which now of course seems ridiculous. I have tried a bit of cooking over the past few years, but consistently believed I can’t bake. So today I did. Queue slightly fuzzy photo*2 of Ginger Cake and Honey & Oat Muffins! If you are at music practise tonight, and there is any left (and if they taste alright) you may get some!

So I’ll update this and my blog too. Cheers for listening!

*1 She doesn’t use a computer but it seemed the right thing to do.
*2 dug out the old digital camera as my lovely DSLR is off being fixed

2011-02-04T18:16:00.004Z

I've been overusing the word 'bobble'

It has been a while since my last thoughtful update, not because things haven’t been happening, just my usual laziness. I have had plenty of thoughts and experiences I should be sharing given my reasons for starting this blog, but I’ve been rubbish about sitting down and doing it! Could be a worry – unemployment (or funemployment as I’m calling it) seems to be bad for me in some ways! My tendency to procrastinate obviously hasn’t got any better yet, despite my solemn vows to myself to ‘Just Do It’ whatever ‘It’ may be.

On the other hand, this time not continues to have its unarguable benefits. My health is better (apart from a lingering stinking cold but I got off lightly considering the flu that’s been circulating). I feel generally much better than I did 3 months ago. I’ve quite madly signed up to walk Hadrians Wall with Adele at the end of March. More on that below.

So before Christmas, when I determined it was really necessary to take the break God was pointing me to, I had a semi-deadline in my head of not looking for work until I was back from my ski trip. In the three days after the trip at the end of January, I’d had an interview for a job, showed people round my flat and registered for an Open University Course in Digital Photography which I’ve been thinking about doing for a while now. It was a very positive time and I felt assured in the actions I was taking.

I applied for a job at my church and the application and interview process was really helpful and reminded me I haven’t lost my ability to be articulate and considered. I didn’t get offered the role and I think a few people expected me to be incredibly disappointed, but I was glad. Although I would love, love, love to work for my church, the particular role was not for me.

So I haven’t had a thunderbolt of understanding as to my next job path in life and wasn’t ever expecting one. But I do feel more at peace over the whole job situation than ever before. The plan now is to get moved home then start applying for anything and everything!

A new discovery, fuelled by applying for the church role is that I would really like to work part time which I would never have considered before I left my last job. I believed that I would not be contributing the best of my abilities, fulfilling my potential and all those other somewhat self-aggrandising ideals if I wasn’t working my fingers to the bone somewhere. I recognise I have the blessing of being able to move home with Mum and therefore can earn less, and Rob and I are sorting out our finances in a way that even if I continued to work part time into the future we’d be ok. But I’d love to work part time so some of the things I’ve been doing in this break can continue. Things outside of work-life got a short shrift – and I’m now enjoying be able to plan Disciple group events, Brownie meetings, meet friends for lunch and be able to put more time into those people. And spend more and better quality time with Rob J And I am so excited about the photography course, even though it doesn’t start until May!

That all said, I know I can’t keep running down my savings, I’m learning to rely on them less, but I’m also not silly! As explained in previous blogs, I have relied on knowing I have a bit of a nest egg far too much – and it is already significantly dented. I was also musing in my last entry about moving back to Mum’s . Well I handed in my notice on my flat and will be out by the beginning of March, moving to Mum’s before that if possible. 9 people have viewed my flat so far and no one has taken it – are they mad? It is great, quiet, well located, cheap (comparatively) and I want OUT! My landlord agreed I could break tenancy early if someone else moves in – which is great but only if someone takes it on.

Although I’m not chomping at the bit to move back to Mum’s and I am getting much better at relaxing about this whole thing, I am struggling with just waiting to move. I could save a fair bit of money if I get out of the flat now, but then it was my choice not to hand my notice in until I did. Having time to consider what the outcomes of my decisions may be is refreshing, rather than before when I bobbled from one act to the next without a chance to make the (hopefully) best decision. I hope, once I’m back in work whatever it is, and however much time it takes up, I’ll be able to continue in some of these new behaviours.

So regarding my trip with Adele along Hadrian’s Wall. We have to walk 84 miles in 6 days, camping along the way. We’re starting on the 31^stMarch. This is a real challenge for me – I’ve not done any serious walking for years, I’ve had a horrid cold on my chest since the new year and as such my fitness levels and training are not going well. Motivation is low....so please help through donating (see what i did there!) My fundraising page is here: www.justgiving.com/Heather-Samuel

In 2002 I lost one of my best friends to sudden adult death and I’m walking in his name to raise money for this great cause. I’m aiming to raise money for the charity CRY – Cardiac Risk in the Young. Here is the science bit.... 12 young people die EVERY DAY in the UK from Sudden Death Syndrome (SDS) which is an umbrella term used for the many different causes of cardiac arrest in young people. CRY provides medical information on the most common causes of unexpected sudden cardiac death sometimes referred to as SADS in the young as well as bereavement counselling for those who lose someone.

So please, if you’re that way inclined, pray for me to get over this cold, get fitter, and get the trek done. And please sponsor me J

2010-12-20T18:40:00.000Z

Photos

Just a really quick post to celebrate the fact i got a picture published in the Bucks Free Pree today - me is well chuffed.

Bucks Free Press

One thing I really wanted to do in my little break was play with my camera a lot more...and I have been in the last few snow filled days.

2010-12-02T18:31:00.000Z

The inevitable question

When did work ever fit in my life? I’d be exaggerating if I said all my days since my last post have been non-stop partying and subsequent sleeping but my need to reflect and reassess in a structured way hasn’t been fulfilled yet. I have been blessed to spend time with friends, have had lots of lovely lunches – mostly with the rather wonderful Stacey, completed quite a few domestic chores, met baby Daniel Gooding, put overdue effort into planning Brownie meetings and sung at Sue and Kevin’s wedding! I happen to think all of this has been just as useful as a week’s meditation on Iona in the snow may have been.

One unhappy event has prevented me taking a few solid days out. Poor Mum sprained her ankle badly on Wycombe High Street, only a few months after duffing the other foot so I’ve had a wobbly mother. I’ve been helping with a few extra lifts and getting shopping in but mostly being entertainment. She doesn’t like to sit still, and really doesn’t like letting people down so getting her to rest has been a mission.

And yes – I see the family resemblance – the irony has not escaped me.

I’m not going to delve into our relationship but mum and I have had to re-balance everything in the past 12 months, after a bit of a breakdown post me moving out and being subsumed by work, and where we are now is pretty lovely. Mum has re-discovered some independence that my presence in her home was preventing and I have managed to feel less responsible for her. It’s been a struggle, not least because of her injuries this year and how frail that makes her feel. It is her birthday today, only 64, and frail is not a word she ever wants used so I try to remind her that it wouldn’t be except for these ongoing accidental injuries. They have exacerbated some previously un-concerning arthritis which I know is sad for her but the podiatrist appointment is in the diary.

The other reason I bring this up is because I am seriously considering moving home in what would be a much shorter timescale than anticipated. Originally I wanted to stay at mine until February and thought that moving back to Mum’s wasn’t my only option. But having re-looked at my finances, I could afford to remain in my flat for a number of months, but it seems economically daft to do so. Mum has offered me free lodgings! With the space and time we’ve had apart, the balance we’ve found, and with a maturing in my views, it seems silly to spend a fair chunk of my savings retaining my home. I am sad at the thought of leaving my little flat, but it doesn’t seem so imperative to retain it anymore to preserve my fragile sanity. Praise the Lord I’m happier than I’ve been in a long time, Mum and I have a much improved friendship and I also have Rob’s place to escape to and leave messy! I have no qualms about moving home at 32, I don’t adhere to negative views about being over 21 and living with the folks.

As always, having a half formed thought and not a plan is unnerving me. I’m praying about it and am going to see my counsellor to talk about it.

And I was hoping to visit my friend Rin in Bristol on Saturday, primarily for a catch up but also to pick her brains as she has done what I am doing – she now works three part time jobs and goes to college and is an all round inspiration to me! But the whole family are descending for birthday celebrations and even then I don’t know if the snow and ice storm we’re suffering will have relented by then.

Rin and I will definitely have that conversation at Christmas. And on that note, the one thing I have decided the last few weeks, is that I wouldn’t be finding myself in this happier place without the gift of friendship. So many people have been entertaining me, asking me for dinner and lunches, checking up on me, dropping me notes, texts and cards and more than anything else praying for me – I am very grateful.

2010-11-14T17:27:00.002Z

Adoration

I’m done – officially unemployed! I spent my last working day half way between ridiculously happy and bawling my eyes out. I was overwhelmed on Thursday when most of the building turned out to wish me well and listen to my ‘friend’ Alex tell some silly stories about might time in the Environment Agency. I was wonderfully embarrassed, rendered speechless, and deeply touched.

A difficult part in the process of moving on, is recognising there are great colleagues, and a few very special friends I’m unlikely to spend as much time with again. I recognise seasons end, but I aim to go out of my way to stay in touch with those amazing, hardworking, dedicated friends who have an equally uncertain time ahead of them. The public sector is not a fun place to be at the moment.

I’m utterly unable to pinpoint, let alone start to describe, how I feel about this next stage so this instalment is shorter than anticipated. I’ve been busy since leaving work with a dinner party last night, Sue’s hen do on Friday and I picked up my new car yesterday. I’m very grateful for Ulri (my new Ka....see what we did there?) and thank God that I had the finances available to remain mobile.

This morning, a new friend gave me a sage piece of advice, almost in passing, but it was perfect for me. Have a plan and keep a routine. And part of the talk at Church this morning was about ensuring we do not wait until things are falling apart to pray about our troubles, but to pray about them first. Prayer will be first in my new routine and I know it will make a difference!

Helen, who spoke this morning, used an analogy, comparing our lives to a journey in a car. We were to identify where Jesus is in our vehicle. Is he locked in the boot, only coming out on Sundays? Is he in the passenger or back seat, while we drive? Or is he in the driver’s seat? And if he is in the driver’s position, are we being back seat drivers, thinking we know better. I know where I want him to be, and that I definitely need to shut up giving directions.

I still have to fight little panics about money, and about future plans that seem less clear than they did when I had a predictable income. But God is already showing me that I should continue to try to live generously, rather than becoming obsessed with preserving my savings and pursuing an income. I recently gave an amount of money to a friend for a charity event. It wasn’t a lot in the scheme of things, but a few days later when I was back at Mum’s cleaning out the last remnants of my belongings in my old room, I came across a very similar amount of money, albeit in Euros, that I am convinced were not there when I moved out. Whether the notes miraculously appeared, or I had just forgotten them, I have been encouraged by people wiser than me, to take this as a sign that God will provide, and that He does reward generosity.

And even with signs and wonders like these it is tough. Like practising repentance and forgiveness, it is going to be a daily challenge to keep letting God be in control.

Rob told me he had a picture of God rubbing His hands together with glee that I have offered God my life to do with as He wants. But that we need to be prepared that there may be attacks as we strive for obedience.

So I got on my knees this morning and asked Him to take control. And I sang in the presence of my Church family, He has my heart, now He can take my life.

And I find tonight, rather than be worried about tomorrow, I am excited.

2010-11-05T15:10:00.000Z

Back to Plan A

I got rejected by another couple of jobs and although it didn’t upset me it was enough of a nudge to make me realise I’m only a few weeks in to my plan and I have already strayed off the path. Pretty good going!

A motivating factor in resigning and something that was clearly from God, was that I need a break. But I started to panic about money (more on this in a minute), about being bored, directionless, losing my home, and becoming reliant on others. That’s why I was applying for full time roles that would have meant really long hours, over Christmas, on weekends and probably a fair commute (as I might not have a car!) And while I would have scraped in cash, it is the exact hurdle I don’t need. If my goals are to recharge, relax, reprioritise and refocus I need time and space.

So after yet another discussion with Rob, we decided I’m not going to even going to seek work until at least the New Year. I will, as was originally intended, seek, listen, and hopefully catch up with friends, family and the bazillion other things I’ve wanted to do. Plus I can develop my photography, get a fitness regime in place and move a few stalled projects forward.

Some friends have asked what I am going to do for money. I have thought about what I need, as opposed to what I want. And what I want is to stay in my home but I recognise that may not work out. For lots of reasons, which may get covered in a later instalment, I would prefer not to take up Mum’s incredibly generous offer to house me again. There are a few other options I am exploring should I need to move out and I’ll be ok for living space whatever happens. My last pay packet from work will keep the bills paid until the New Year. I’m fortunate as lived at with Mum, rent-free for a long time so I have some money to fall back on.

I haven’t heard anything yet about going out and giving my savings away! I am hopeful this is because He knows there are sensible things I want to put it towards, like a house or a wedding. However learning to be reliant is difficult with a financial cushion and I guess that is why I have had specific nudges about not being so money-orientated.

For instance, a week after I handed in my resignation, the company re-launched its voluntary early release scheme. Had I been successful in an application, I’d have walked off with over half a year’s wages. Before my notice was officially accepted, my old boss tried to persuade me to wait for the release scheme, even though we had no idea at the time when it was coming out. But just the thought of hanging on for months (and it turns out my earliest escape would have been April) was enough to make me queasy and wretched. Getting that payout would not have been worth my sanity and my health. So this experience is turning out to be a lesson in being less reliant on material things as well as everything else.

My stress levels are still high. This is firstly because I’m still commuting and working hard, because I have to, because I want to and because I know I am leaving people I really care about in a tougher position.

Secondly, because of ongoing uncertainty and my associated impatience. I worry that waiting to search for work, at a time of recession and rising unemployment is nuts-a-cuckoo and that I might miss the ideal opportunity if I am not scouring the adverts. It seems I am not learning my lessons in trust overnight.

Thirdly, because of the first two reasons, I’m still tired, picking fights, being tetchy, wanting to be anti-social and sleep/lay in front of the telly and have all the associated guilt (which I know is daft). The results of all this seeps into everything else. Although God is surrounding me with supportive people, and reminding me a big chunk of the stress will end in a week I would rather not be the grumpy person I feel I am. I had a lovely meal with my disciple group on Wednesday. I was so happy and enjoyed the people (and the meal) but before and after I was so tired I cried.

But yes, a week left, then no more 0615 alarms and no more two and a half hour commutes. Promises of, and actual support pours from my boyfriend, family, friends and colleagues.

I believe that God never leaves me, but right now there is so much clutter, even while prayers are being answered daily I can feel far away. It is Bonfire Night tonight, maybe I will burn some of the rubbish.

p.s. yes, please comment if you would like to!

2010-11-01T21:33:00.000Z

Rejection # 1!

I had my first rejection for a Christmas temporary sales job today. Now considering they say you should expect to apply for 80 jobs to get 1 these days I shouldn't be upset. But I am. I recieved the email while I was at my desk and had to hide a very teary face.

Ridiculous I know, but I'm not used to being rejected by employers - until today I've never had a job interview or made an application where I wasn't offered the role. Boo-hoo poor Heather May I hear you say ;) but I have found a significant part of myself associates my self worth with this kind of success.

This isn't because I only felt loved as a child when I succeeded at something, absolutely not, but it is an easy and obvious measure of success. I suppose I have always been "the academic one" or "the one with potential" or "the one who can do anything she turns her mind to" - all that might be true. And while I am inifintely grateful for people's confidence in me I hoping to just try to be whatever God wants me to be, not what my (apparent) skills might point towards, or what (well-meaning) colleagues suggest, or what seems to be the current pressing need. I think I need to push lots of doors, and do my best not to be scared of trying something and finding it doesn't work which will be a massive change for me. So I am trying to remember to listen and ask which direction to go in. Easier typed than done and I'm still on the wrong side of terrified.

At church a couple of weeks ago, I prayed with some of the ministry team and one had a picture of me travelling along a wide road, whereby the road narrows and turns a corner, then widens out again. Then on a separate day someone else had a picture of me being on a motorway, pulling into the services and having a break - then going back to the roundabout but taking a different exit, onto a non-motorway road. Perhaps this is an indication of needing to take a slower, more meandering path for a while.

Of course, I don't know what these pictures mean for me yet, but I will contemplate them and remember them from the other side of experiences.

I do know God is reminding me, gently and thankfully through others, that He has His hand over me and is guiding me in the ways the scripture says He will. I can't rely on just me to figure out the next move and He will always use others to reiterate what we think we may have heard, and need to hear,

And when I take time to reflect on all of this, I'm not teary at this end of today. Lesson for the day - take time to reflect and remember what God has promised He will provide.

2010-11-01T13:22:00.000Z

a new adventure….

I have decided after much conversation, angst, stress and prayer to leave my job at the Environment Agency. I’ve been working for this government body for seven years and have gone from loving every single day and bouncing out of bed to get to work, to no longer fitting in the role, organisation or being able to cope with the commute.

After lots of consideration, tears and answered prayer I handed in my notice and in 2 weeks I shall officially be unemployed. And I have nowhere to go!. I have applied for a few Christmas Temp jobs but so far it seems I am over-qualified for them!

I know on the grand scale of things, and in a time where unemployment is rising especially from the Public Sector, this isn’t all that exciting. It has been pointed out though that it is quite cuckoo!

But I know I am following God in taking this course of action now. I am in a lesson of trust and faith beyond which I’ve experienced in this way before.

Most folk who know me, recognise me as an enthusiastic and energetic personality and somewhere along the line a lot of this has been sapped out of me. I want that girl back! I want to learn to rely on God for my strength and the amazing people He has surrounded me with.

I don’t know where I am going but I hope you’ll follow me on this footpath that is there, even if I can't see it yet. I am re-starting this blog on which I am going to chart the course of this next adventure. There have already been highs and lows and I’m going to need all the help I can get.

2007-06-11T20:15:00.000+01:00

One of those weeks....

I looked back at my blog from last year and realised I made a post on the anniversary of my dad's death then too. Well that's not til Thursday but it seems my trend of sporadic and often depressing posts continue. My aunt carole died on Saturday after a long battle with cancer, Carole being my dad's sister. I'm glad she is no longer suffering but am very sad. It comes only a few days before dad's anniversary as I say and as there was a striking resemblance bet wen my dad and his sister, these last few months have been very painful, almost reliving my dad's illness, which is something I never thought I would have to experience again. Or my Mum. I'll miss my auntie.

Upside stuff? Well Venture is going ahead. Yippeeeee! We've got 30 kids booked on to Christchuch 2 and we're saddling up for the Wild West theme.....Sugarhill Gang's apache is keeping me awake nights!

I've been helping lead Kosmic at church which is ace...more playing with kids!

I'm off to see Rob Bell on tour next week - inspiring Christian leader and I'm very excited to see him talk live. He is responsible for Nooma - a set of teaching aids which I've found really useful and provocative. My home group are making our own version (unoriginal and cheesey but who cares!)

Will write more soon 'cos I've got busy times on the horizon!

Music Recs:

David Vandervelte's album called the Moonstation House Band (how to confuse people in one easy step!)
Brie Stoner - especially Rain Down
Leona Naess
Soundtrack to Trust the Man
Joshua Radin - We Were Here

2007-05-08T14:51:00.001+01:00

2007-04-22T16:08:00.000+01:00

Another late update - v.poor!

I am categorically rubbish at updating my blog anywhere near as frequently as necessary to make people interested! So another vow to update more often....we'll see how long this one lasts!

First an explanation for the random picture. That's my *old* desk, with the lovely Nigel peering out from behind waving me good bye as I left my cosy office in Amersham and headed for sunbury on thames. I'm officially a Senior Environment Officer now - or an Enior Environment Officer as my contract sayas - God bless Human Resources department. I've been incredibly spoiled until this point in my life when it comes to commuting. Amersham for the last 3 and half years has been an 18mile round trip, before that in Dorset it was 80 yards from my chalet to my desk and before that at uni, 147 yards from my bed to my lecture theatre seat. I'm now a good hour and a half round the M25 from bed to office...but I am loving my new job, the people are fantastic and I am really excited for the future in this place.

Other stuff I've been up to?

I went to my first Spring Harvest just before Easter and had a brill time. Saw Adrian Plass live - who I have always adored and who was hysterically funny. I got to see Sarah Kelly play live, and got a hug afterwards, from the Grammy Award winning artist. I attended loads of seminars about all sorts of good stuff - and got to do some extreme walking, play some cazy golf, beat little kids at Lazer Quest. Skegness was blinking freezing too, might have to try Minehead next time.

Easter was great, sang in the band at church again, a ministry new to me, but one I am rapidly falling totally in love with. The people are fantastic and I am completely in awe of their talent - and grateful they let me warble along with them.

I've started using Facebook where people can see more regular updates from me, but nothing in depth like this.

Stuff coming up...

Big prayer request for venture please - were low on numbers of kids so we my be losing one - or both - weeks.

Music recs.

Arcade Fire - again! I now have a couple of their albums and am getting more time behind the wheel to sing along loudly.
Sarah Kelly - as mentioned above
The Shins - Chutes too Narrow - old album but one I only just got - Kissing the Lipless is a stand out track

2007-03-23T12:04:00.000Z

I am being yelled at..........

by my lovely friend Cheryl Anne Hibbert Superstar Face - for not updating my blog and not mentioning her.

So here we are. Cheryl is my friend - but she is also a bit nuts. She like horses and she met Shakin' Stevens this week and got very excited about it. She went to Iceland recently (the country, not the shop) and sent me some lovely pistures of where she got to stand on the Mid Atlantic Ridge - so I am very jealous.

I don't have a picture of her here at work to put on, but I will find one. I have a picture fo her on my phone wrapped in an England flag at the Take That concert we went to together last summer. It was a fun day, we sang a lot and got yelled at by some girls as we were dancing to the Sugababes and apparently that is a bit uncool.....but we're old so what do we care?

Is that alright Cherelle?

Oh the picture is of a mountain in Tignes where I was skiing recently. We had stupid amounts of snow and I took that piccie in one of the few huors we had of clear skies. We can't win - either too much snow or not enough!

2007-02-13T23:06:00.000Z

MIRRORS & SMOKE VALENTINE'S DAY FAN VIDEO

2007-02-09T20:09:00.000Z

Let it Snow....

I had the day off work yesterday cos of the foot of snow we had here. So for once on a day off I didn't just sit on my bee-hind - I wandered over Hughenden Park and took some piccies of the snow. I am quite proud of a few of them!

It does always amaze me that everyone complains about snow. I know..I know the world stops and people can'go to work and have to spend the day playing with their children - it's a hardship!

I saw the incomprable Ray LaMontagne in concert this week. Awesome!!! I went with the ever-lovely Freya who got very excited, girly and embarrasing, when she spotted half the cast from the Green Wing at the bar. I don't watch it so I acted all cool while she jumped around and pointed like a school girl (soz Freya but you did!)

2007-01-22T18:53:00.000Z

2007.....here goes!

Bonjour to you and you.
2007 started off on a bit of a flat note - being ill in bed with a chest infection - lovely! I hope everyone else's New Year Eve celebrations were more successful.:)

I have just got back from Chamonix, France, ski trip numero uno of 2007 with the Warnock Home Group plus various relatives and hangers on - we could have benefitted from more snow to provide better choice on the slopes, but given the inclement weather we did pretty well. I only totally stacked it once on a Red in less 5m visibility.....however it was falling off the button twice in a row at the same point that dented my ego!

Christmas was spent in Bath with my sister Natalie, her husband Matt and my nephew and niece, Samuel and Sophie. Manic as expected but very nice, cosy and relaxing. I have a new dressing gown that goes all the way to the floor!

Andi and I saw delirious? again at their Christmas Gig in Shepherd's Bush. I took Mum to see We Will Rock You for her 60th (sorry Mum!) I really enjoyed both shows - though We Will Rock You, certainly has to be taken for what it is!

Plans for 2007 then....another ski trip to Tignes at the end of February....Two Ventures in July....a weekend away with some girlies in March - not decided where yet though...Ray LaMontagne concert coming up sooooooon!

Music recs:
Verve Remixed - CD2 (awesome , if unexpected mixes of classic jazz numbers)
Arcade Fire - Funeral (Indescribably good!)
The Shins - Chutes Too Narrow
The Elizabethtown Soundtrack,/strong.

2006-12-04T21:16:00.000Z

Baby Girl Gooding arrives!

Congratulations to Mark and Em on the arrival of Joanna Ceri on Sunday 3rd December 2006.

I can't say too much more cos I am a big girl and may cry!

And more congratulations to Hannah and Gareth on the arrival of Baby Boy Morgan Burford - who arrived on the 4th!

2006-11-12T16:04:00.000Z

Delirious? 1st November 2006 - Hexagon, Reading

2006-11-09T20:56:00.000Z

Alli and Craig's Wedding - and associated ramblings

4th November 2006 - Alli and Craig tied the knot in the beautiful Lake District. Words can't really describe how much fun it was - and how honoured I was to take part. The speeches were cracking, the food was lovely, the overcast sky lent a very wild and romantic feel to the day - Steve and Jools benefitting strongly there....

Photos can be seen here Definitely a couple of duff ones of the bridesmaids - can't remember most of them being taken mind! No....not because of that....we were having our piccies taken for over 2 hours!

Other stuff
I spent the weekend Bristol for Venture 2006 Reunion. Thanks again to Rhys and the residents from Woody's who put up with us all roaming about their home. Sat through Andi's Uganda Photos (only Bex fell asleep - nice shirt A!)...talked a lot about poo and the best way to wee in the middle of a field....Dan and Annie made a film about MS....Isaac got to ride in the lift at the City Museum...and Rowan snogged a camel....Bring on 2007 and the Superheroes and Wild Wild West Theme!!!

Saw Delirious? play at Reading - really impressed with them live, been so long since I have seen them and they were very accomplished. I have seen the Happy Song live now and can finally die happy. Poor old Issy had to spend most of the evening on Mart's shoulders but that's to be expected. We got some fine Freestyle Walking in after in the bowels of the Hexagon so that made up for it. The support Reuben Morgan was good too.

Music update (as you must have come to expect by now):
The Feeling - Twelve Stops and Home - I've loved every single and the rest of the album is no let down
Razorlight - Razorlight - finally got around to treating myself to the glorious second album - America will be an all time classic

2006-10-11T19:16:00.000+01:00

Alli's Hen night

The lovely Alli is marrying the lovely Craig on the 4th November (I may have mentioned I'm a bridesmaid once or twice to most of my readership!!!)

We hit the crazeee streets of - er - Cheddar, Somerset last weekend. We tied balloons to the hen, dressed her up in red feathers and went to the famous Cheddar Cheese Tour - annoying some people who had waited ages as we pre-booked and jumped the queue! We met a rather odd man called Andy who cheddars the cheese (something to do with it being chopped up and turned a lot.)

Then, a bit more like the average hen night, back in Bristol we drank some LegBender cider, went out for a meal, visited an old hang out - the Corrie Tap - as appauled by how young the Freshers are and then tore up the dance floor at another old haunt -La Rocca. Hasn't changed a bit.

Will add some piccies shortly to embarrass Alli further!

More music recs:
Ray LaMontagne - Til the Sun Turns Black - 2 albums in one year - God bless this man
Jars of Clay - ok ok, broken record but Good Monsters is AWESOME - Oh My God is outstanding track so far, and Light Gives Heat - which gives me the shivers
Bought Delirious?' Mission Bell as I'm off to see them - sounds good so far....I'd been disappointed with their stuff for a while, but this seems to be better....
Going a bit retro with The Dandy Warhols, Turin Brakes
New Damien Rice album sooooooon.....

2006-09-29T21:30:00.000+01:00

More regular updates.....ooh how exciting!?!?

I am going to try to update more regularly or the whole thing is pointless!

Firstly - I want to thank God for answering prayer and finding us venues for Venture 2007. We have lost Wimborne because of renovations at the school. Today we were given 2 names of sites that could work. Please continue to pray that these sites meet the needs of CPAS and can offer homes to ventures.

Then a bit of a gripe - but only with work - I am starting to look for a new job - my current position just isn't working out the way I'd like it and was sold it(!) and I am feeling disatisfied and pretty much abused by the company. It is a shame as I loved this job for so long but I am blessed to have the opportunity to really look at a lot of options.

I had my bridesmaid dress fitting for Alli and Craig's wedding - apparently the shop that sold me the dress "overestimated my width" - chuckles all around at that one.

Got tickets for Delirious? next month - haven't seen them for yeeeeeeeeears and have had to quickly order the album for the tour.

Speaking of music - latest artists featuring heavily on my MP3:
Ray LaMontagne - Trouble - the whole album is awesome
Jars of Clay (shocker) - Good Monster
Quite liking The Feeling but haven't invested in the album yet
Six Feet Under soundtracks
For a bit of Pop - the Orson album is good - Bright Idea
Disappointed in the new Nelly Furtado - I loved her early stuff - not a big RnB fan
Ray LaMontagne - oooh yeah, I said that one - don't care - it bears repeating!

2006-09-22T20:19:00.000+01:00

'Ere Snowy - I can see the pub from 'ere!

Aaaaaand relax! I've been on a marathon run of actually having a life and am exhausted as a result. So a brief summary of Summer 2006!

Wimborne 3 Explorer Venture 2006 went brilliantly - the Laughing Lions were the pride of the pack, Eggs were flung, cream pies were smooshed and knights in shining armour delighted us all. Team reunion is only a few weeks away - yipeeee!

Greenbelt was equally fantastic - Andi and I cut up the dance floor, drank some dodgy organic cider and spent vast quantities of time (and cash) at the Circus Skills stall. There were some magicians he got excited about and I got to eat crepes and buy handbags! I even managed to fit in some Freestyle Walking with Isaac W!

Jim and Emily got hitched - thanks for inviting me to share your wonderful day! More cutting up of the dance floor - but literally this time given the heel on my boots!

Clare and Heather's Corfu Adventure was more of a lesson in relaxation - which by early September was the only option left. I burned my tummy, but at least this time you couldn't tell which way I had knotted my bikini top like one unfortunate year in the Canaries. No Jeep Safari this year (booooo) but we sailed to Albania and ate lots of seafood! I got through a ton of books but I started dreaming Fiendish Su Doku in the end so had to give that up! Very sedate!

Wateraid's Corbett Challenge was completed, overcome, endured - take your pick! Along with some other daring friends from work, I scaled the great heights of Foel Goch in Snowdonia to raise money for Wateraid. We made it up and down without dying (more of an achievement than you'd think given the average fitness level of the team) and I have attached a photo of the all conquering Colne team. You can sponser me in retrospect here

I am also massively proud of my Aunt Carole who was ordained to be a Deacon this weekend. The service in Christ Church, Oxford was very moving and I was honoured to be a part of it.

So - there goes Summer 2006 - here comes the winter! Started planning some ski trips for the new year - anyone got any ideas of what to actually do for New Year itself - I've been sick and in bed 3 out of the last 4 so I am up for some shenanigans! I'm bridesmaid for the wonderful Alli and Craig in November - I am perhaps getting a little too girly and excited about that - shoes, neckalces, underwear all being bought in vast quantities - it is amazing how much thought has to go into those things!! Still looking for an escort to the wedding if there are any volunteers???? ;) Three days in the Lake District and I'm driving!

2006-06-14T19:49:00.000+01:00

It's been a while....

But only a quick post today - the deep and meaningful bit first - it is two years since my dad died today. The sky still hasn't fallen in on my head so wondering when that's going to happen.

And the non-deep bit:
Stuff I am listening to and feel the need to share

Jeff Buckley - Grace in particular Last Goodbye
Jars of Clay - Furthermore from the stage and from the studio
Sandi Thom
Thievery Corporation - Indra & Lebanese Blond
The Postal Service - Give Up

2006-02-13T22:03:00.000Z

OK just rubbing it in now.....

This time the skiing was in France, La Plagne and Les Arc to be precise. I cannot recommend staying in a catered chalet enough, cooked breakfast, afternoon tea and three course meals with as much free (french) wine as you could drink! Couple of pictures here, one of my lovely skis, one of the lovely Freya assuming her default position and one of the ski team! I only fell off the side of a mountain once - I can't really describe it, Claire probably could but I fear she was laughing too much to take notes.

That is it though, no more holiday for me ever! Well until August when I take 50 odd kids to Dorset for a week......maybe that's not a holiday either.

2006-01-25T17:51:00.000Z

January 2006 - Just returned from a brilliant ski trip to Val Gardena, Italy. The views were fantastic as was the company, people from home group and various others! I managed to only fall over 2 and a half times which is an indication I have improved a bit. Saying that, it could only ever get better from the mess I was last year on the ice fields of Serre Chevalier! I partook of a little Apres Ski, watched the world go by from a few piste-side cafes, ate some goulash-soup, learned a new game that involved dice but I was so tired I am not really sure what it was about, found a tunnel in a square with no "official" exit and made some new friends!

2005-12-26T21:23:00.000Z

Just a quick pic so you can remember what I look like if it has been a while(or what I looked like, this is scarily almost 6 years old!)

Heather's Blog

2005-12-26T21:14:00.000Z

Well here we go! Been resisting the urge to do this for ages. This blog isn't going to be a look into my mind, or my deepest thoughts because 1. I don't have any deep thoughts and 2. I am not that interesting. Hopefully this will be a way to keep in touch with people, maybe let you know what is going on in my life and a bit of fun!

So a quick catch up then - Its Boxing Day 2005 and I am having a few Baileys having been on call for the past week! I was on call because I work for the Environment Agency , been there over 2 years now and I love it! Worked in Dorset for a few years before that, at an outdoor education centre for kids. I'll add some photos of that sometime because it was a beautiful place with great people. Before that University of Bristol studying Geology which I miss doing with a passion. Currently living in High Wycombe with my mum - no need to explain why - everyone knows what house prices are like! I'm going to St Andrews church in HW - just started really and excited about it!